My Keynote to Brain Tumour Patients

When I was asked to give an inspirational keynote presentation at the "Together in Hope" conference for brain tumour patients and their caregivers, I was both honoured and excited.  I then thought “what do I say to this special group given the difficulties they face, not only physically, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually as well?” I knew I wanted to make a truly meaningful and positive difference in their lives. So I reflected on my own cancer journey at age 29 and what it was like for me, the discoveries I made about myself and about life. I shared about my mother’s fight with cancer and how her ‘keep going' attitude served her so well and inspired me with so much courage. Where I first thought of how was I going to fill 30 minutes, I ended up with so much to say and so many stories to share that I had to scale it down to 30 minutes.

I’ve spoken at cancer patient events before, but this group was different.  Perhaps it was because I had the opportunity to meet some of the attendees one on one the night before at a meet and greet. It gave me the chance to hear their stories and really connect with them. I’m so glad I had that opportunity.

One of the comments I heard from some of the ladies in particular was “if it wasn’t for my husband, I wouldn’t be here”. It gave me such a good feeling to see the couples together in hope, supporting each other with such love and commitment, walking hand in hand. It was beautiful. One young lady, Andrea, was diagnosed with her brain tumour only one month after her wedding. She felt so badly about it, yet her husband insisted that he would be there for her no matter what. As much as so many people came to me after my presentation and told me how much I inspired them, they inspired me too.

On a personal note, their comments struck me because when I was going through my cancer experience, my husband at the time (notice how I say ‘at the time’) was not there for me. He didn’t physically leave me or anything quite that horrible, but he was not much of an emotional support. He left me emotionally. He was seemingly too wrapped up in his own world in a job he hated and complained about all the time which I suspect may have blinded him to what his wife was actually going through in battling cancer. I rarely asked anything of him and pretty much took care of myself, so as not to be a bother, knowing how miserable he was to start with. I didn’t want to be a burden and make things worse for him.  In fact, I was still taking care of him more than vice versa even on my worst chemo days. Makes me wonder ‘Was my self-worth really that low that I continually put his needs ahead of my own? Was I not worthy of his love and attention even if yes, he hated his job?’  I remember thinking, “if you hate your job that much, do something about it. Why not look for another job?”  If you hate your job, you can look for a new one.  In my case, my body had cancer and it wasn’t like I could trade it in for a new one. But we all make choices in life and it was his choice to continue to stagnate in a very unfulfilling job.

I’ve moved on with my life since then to much greater things. Thank goodness. However, looking back, it saddens me that I went through one of the biggest adversities of my life with so little support at home from the person who I would have hoped and expected would be there for me the most. It saddens me that I did not communicate better and express my true feelings including my fears, anger, needs and desires for fear of being a burden on my husband. I never expressed my disappointments and didn’t give him a chance to see if by discussing things maybe he could learn to be more of a support once he understood how his behaviours were impacting me and what I needed from him. Maybe if we had communicated better, I could have learned if it was just his miserable job that was causing him to be so emotionally aloof or if there were other things bothering him that he needed to express as well that maybe could have been resolved or at least understood. Who knows. Clearly neither of us were very good at reaching out for help and support. As the caregiver, so to speak, maybe he needed someone outside of us to seek help from as well.

On the positive side, I learned so much through this experience which I shared in my 30 minute presentation to this wonderful group. A few of my key messages were about what I discovered about communication and self-worth. I discovered how important it is in your relationship, when you’re going through a difficult time yourself whether health-wise or otherwise, to communicate your true feelings and to know that you are worthy and deserving of expressing yourself, asking for, receiving and accepting help from your loved one and others without fear, guilt or shame. Let them know what you need from them and don’t expect them to read your mind. If their behaviours are making things more difficult for you, tell them and give them the opportunity to understand and hopefully change their ways. And give them the same opportunity in return. They may be completely oblivious unless you spell it out to them. I learned these lessons the hard way through my cancer journey and a not-so-great marriage that maybe just maybe could have been better had we both communicated more effectively and made the effort to understand one another.

When I reflect on the past, who I was, and how far I’ve come in my own personal development, outlook on life, commitment to health and maintaining courage, it renews my faith in the human ability to self-learn, change, grow and improve ourselves and our quality of life. I’m living proof. Probably explains why I love the work I do now in motivational speaking, coaching, writing and expressing myself to others, sharing my stories, communicating and bringing hope and courage wherever I can.

Here’s what one of the participants posted on my Facebook page about my presentation. Thank you again for your kind words, Kenny. This comment means so much:

"Not only is Roslyn a very talented and engaging speaker, she deeply cares for and understands the situations that her audience is experiencing. My wife Ali and I afforded both the opportunity of hearing her speak and also the opportunity of getting to know her through her presentation and also her commitment to continuing to get to know the audience members personally afterwards. I would highly recommend her to anyone looking to really make sure their event is very memorable. My favorite quote of hers (actually her mother's quote as a holocaust survivor) "if Hitler didn't kill me cancer sure won't." And that can definitely give us all a very good perspective on life and its outcomes." — Kenny Allision with Ali Paladino Allison.

I’m happy to share with you that since those challenging times in my life with beating cancer and overcoming divorce, I’ve married a new man who I will be celebrating our 9 year anniversary with next month. I love my life and have proudly learned from my past. I’m a better person for all the hardships endured and am grateful for lessons learned. Been there, done that.  I enjoy a much greater sense of balance, wellness and self-worth, three things in life you cannot put a pricetag on and that you cannot buy no matter how much money you have. I am grateful for my health and rich in my appreciation for each day. Each day is a gift, so use it well.

After beating cancer at age 29 and conquering her weight gain once and for all, Roslyn Franken is back stronger than ever! She is a world-class motivational speaker, best-selling author, personal empowerment coach specialized in healthy living, stress reduction and overcoming adversity. She is committed to helping people lighten up for good to lead a healthy, happy and resilient life. To book Roslyn for speaking engagements, personal coaching and purchase copies of her book, The A List, visit, http://www.roslynfranken.com

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My Striving for Caregiver Work Life Balance

Roslyn Franken and her 91-year old dad, John Franken

I’ve been busy looking after my 91-year old dad, a labour of love, indeed. It’s a new caregiver role that puts me to the test of practicing what I preach when it comes to work life balance. I’ll be honest, it's not always easy. I moved my dad from Montreal to Ottawa a year ago June and rarely a day goes by that I don’t spend time with him at his Retirement Home. I’m very blessed in that he still has a strong mind, sharp wit and is always ready with a smile. If only his body was in as good a shape. He’s been diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease which is affecting his mobility and posture thereby creating new challenges and greater needs. He says to people with a laugh, “I don’t know why they call this the golden age, it’s more like varnish to me.”

I work hard to juggle being with my dad and looking after his needs while running my business, making time for my husband and maintaining my personal friendships. Oh wait a sec… that’s right... I also strive to look after myself too including making time to cook healthy meals, get my regular exercise and do things just for me. That is a principle I teach in my coaching and speaking. It's one we often forget to do, especially all of you women out there. We get so caught up nurturing others, taking care of our daily responsibilities, that we often put ourselves last. How true is that?

To alleviate the pressure, I did what I coach others to do. That is, to take a step back and look at what I need to do differently to adapt to my new lifestyle that includes making time for my dad. Firstly, I’ve had to let go of my natural tendencies toward perfectionism. If you’re a perfectionist I’m sure you can relate that letting go is not an easy thing to do. I decided that the pressure I was putting on myself to be the perfect caregiver while trying to keep on top of business, have time for my husband and time for me in the way I would most like to do, was just not worth it. The 'perfectionist pressure cooker' I saw myself falling into was causing me what I call ‘self-inflicted’ stress. As soon as I noticed how it was affecting me physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, I knew it was time to change my attitude.

So what did I do? I decided to self-reflect with some hard-hitting questions like “What is truly most important to me right now? What are my top priorities? What are my boundaries with my dad, with my husband, with my business and how will I manage them? Can I delegate some responsibility?”

In answering the questions, I discovered that my dad is absolutely a top priority for me right now. Every day that he’s still alive and well is a gift. Acknowledging this set me free. By recognizing and accepting that my dad is a top priority, I’ve accepted that there are days where I may not get all my work done for my business that I’d planned on and that’s okay. There are days when I may have to cook up a simpler meal for me and my husband on the fly, there are days when I’ll have to wake up earlier to squeeze in my exercise. That’s just the way it is. And it’s all okay. I’ve learned to forgive myself when I just can’t have it all, do it all and be it all. That’s fine with me. I've also started recruiting help from my brothers, especially when I'm traveling, to take on some of the responsibilities.

The problem is I see far too many people, women in particular, struggling to have it all, do it all and be it all. They’re paying for it with their health, their relationships and overall sense of well-being and self-worth. They’re too busy to take that step back and look at the choices they’re making and how they’re living their lives.

If this sounds like you, I encourage you to schedule some time for yourself in the next five days to take YOUR step back. Ask yourself some of the questions that I asked myself. What do you need to do differently to lighten up your life and adjust your routine so that you’re feeling healthier, stronger and more balanced?  I’d love to hear from you, so please send me your answers within the next five days. I will personally read every answer, that’s a promise. You have five days. Email me at roslyn@roslynfranken.com.

I know striking that perfect work life balance seems impossible and maybe it is. What I’m discovering is that it doesn’t have to be perfect. It just needs to be good enough to allow you to feel healthy, happy and resilient. And remember, some days will be better than others, some will be easier than others. It’s all good. Just roll with it and keep all the good stuff going.

I look forward to hearing from you within the next five days.

 

After beating cancer at age 29 and conquering her weight gain once and for all, Roslyn Franken is back stronger than ever! She is a world-class motivational speaker, best-selling author, personal empowerment expert and proud founder of Lighten Up for Good: A Win-Win Wellness Campaign for Employers, Employees and our Communities. To book Roslyn for speaking engagements, personal coaching and purchase copies of her book, The A List, visit, http://www.roslynfranken.com

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Re-claim Your Work Life Balance

I’m busy preparing for a Management Workshop I’m delivering in a few days on one of my most popular Lighten Up for Good speaking topics - How to Stop Stressing and Start Living. One of the many issues I'll be sharing is about our societal values around Work/Life Balance. We'll be looking at how these values are impacting our increasing levels of unhealthy stress. These are the kinds of stress that can lead to many serious health problems whether physical, mental or emotional that can threaten our performance, satisfaction and results in both our work and personal lives.

We are a society that values hard work, putting in long hours to show our commitment to the company or to our own businesses. We value the achievement of our goals and dreams, striving to get ahead, make more money and have more stuff. We’re so busy working and striving to achieve that many of us forget to enjoy the process. We often neglect the simple joys of living. That’s why so many people with lots of wealth and success are still not truly happy or as happy as you think they should be with all that they have.

An effective work life balance is not about a 50/50 split in time and energy. The world is just not perfect that way. It is not a realistic goal. We all have different roles, priorities and lifestyles which also influence our work life balance. A single person may have a different sense of work life balance than someone who is married with children, for example. 

 

Feeling overwhelmed by our multiple roles as worker, parent, spouse, caregiver to an aging or ill relative, family member, friend, work colleague, volunteer, etc… while trying to balance our work and personal lives is just one source of stress that prevents us from living fully. And on top of all that, here I am suggesting that you also need to make time to look after your own health and well-being? Perhaps you’re saying, ‘yeah, right, Roslyn’. Yes, it is exactly what I’m saying. There are ways and that is what this workshop is all about.

On another note, with the increasing prevalence of communication technologies with computers, cell phones, emailing, texting, video conferencing, etc…the work to life conflict is even greater. The boundaries are becoming increasingly blurred with people checking work-related emails, texting and answering phone calls during their personal time. The worst is when you see people constantly connected to work while on vacation or family time. This is not a life.

 

There are many other factors that contribute to our day-to-day stress. Striving for a healthy work life balance is just one of them. In preparing for this workshop, it gives me good reminders as well to practice what I preach as it is far too easy to get sucked in by the currents of the world outside of us. At the end of the day, we still do have choices to make.

 

Looking for a world-class motivational speaker for your next group event? Roslyn Franken provides the ideal solution for your next meeting, conference, convention, retreat, seminar, trade show, strategic planning session, lunch & learn or ongoing health and wellness promotion program. For more information, visit http://www.roslynfranken.com/

How will you celebrate your mom this Mother's Day?

I’m busy preparing for my keynote presentation at a Mother Daughter Gala Dinner on May 10^th in Ottawa, Canada.  See http://ottawastart.com/story/19847.php for full details. If you live in the Ottawa area, I encourage you to attend, or at least pass on the link to invite others. With this presentation and Mother’s Day  around the corner, I can’t help but take stock of the very special bond between mothers and daughters. I was very blessed to have a mother who always believed in me. I am forever grateful for that. I would give anything for her to be in the audience on May 10^th so that I could see her looking up at me with her shining smile full of pride. Unfortunately, she passed away in 2004 after a remarkable 21 year battle with cancer.

Although she is no longer living in the physical sense, trust me when I tell you that she is still very much alive in my heart and soul. I still feed off the strength, determination and inspiration that she passed on to me simply by being there as a positive role model. 

What are you thankful to your mother for? What amazing qualities did you inherit from her? In what ways has she been a positive force in your life? When is the last time you shared these feelings with her and thanked her for all she’s given you aside from life on this earth? How are you going to truly celebrate your mom this weekend?

I’d love to hear your comments.  Simply click on the 'Post a Comment' link below to add your comments. In the meantime, I want to wish all you moms out there a very healthy, happy Mother’s Day and enjoy your time with your family.

Taking Charge of our Health and Happiness

I recently read a book called, ‘The Stroke'. It's about my friend Frank Hegyi’s journey back to health following his stroke including recovering his ability to speak and walk. It got me thinking about a few insights regarding preventative health and resilience that I'm here to share with you as follows.

No matter how hard we try to live a healthy, happy life, there are never any guarantees that we will not fall prey to a stroke or other illness, but I’m a big believer that we all have the ability to do our best to minimize our risks and avoid having to suffer the challenges that Frank Hegyi had to face. When I say "doing our best to minimize health risks:, what I mean is eating a healthy balanced diet, managing our weight, getting regular physical activity and proper rest. It also means making wise life choices that help to minimize our levels of daily stress, worry, anxiety and fears. I believe that these negative emotions can be as harmful to our health and well-being as a piece of fattening chocolate cake.

Unfortunately, so many of us, like Frank, wait for a medical crisis till we finally take proactive steps to change our health, attitudes and lifestyle habits. This is what is so sad. Why do we wait? Why can’t we see that by neglecting our health and not looking after ourselves properly today we can be setting ourselves up for a lot more suffering tomorrow than it would be to just start taking better charge of our health today?

When I made the decision in 2004, shortly after my mother passed away from cancer, to take charge of my health,  weight problems and happiness, I knew that this was the best decision I would ever make. But please do note this - I do not spend hours at the gym, I don’t eat a strict and highly restrictive diet and I’m not in bed at 9:00pm every night. I just make smart choices. I work out regularly and sometimes it is longer than other times. Sometimes I'll miss a workout here and there. I eat a healthy, balanced diet and have learned how to incorporate my favourite foods so I don’t ever feel deprived and restricted. I work hard and I play hard. I am blessed to have a wonderful husband who likes having fun as much as I do and we are sure to incorporate lots of fun and laughter into our daily lives.

The biggest gift that I have given myself and that I am here to share with others through my motivational speaking, coaching, books and radio show is how to lighten up for good. I have learned to not take myself as seriously as I used to and how to let go of the stuff that doesn’t really matter in the bigger picture. Learning to wake up, let go and lighten up are some of the most amazing gifts you can give to yourself for greater health and happiness. Nobody else can give you these things except for yourself. I can teach you how to do it and support you through it, but at the end of the day, it is up to you.

Wishing you continued health and happiness always.

Roslyn Franken, Motivational Inspirational Keynote Speaker

 

To book Roslyn for speaking engagements, personal coaching and purchase copies of her book, The A List: 9 Guiding Principles for Healthy Eating and Positive Living, visit, http://www.roslynfranken.com

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How to Lighten Up those Valentine’s Blues

Well, it’s that time of year again with all the commercial grandeur of Valentine’s Day, that one official day of the year marked by chocolate hearts, fine dining, red roses, cards and other gifts of love and romance. However, with all its magic and romance, it can also be a challenging time marked with heartache for couples when expectations go unmet or of deep loneliness for singles or widows aching for the romance missing from their lives.

 

Whether single or attached it can be a time for those with the Valentine’s blues to turn to comfort food, alcohol or other unhealthy crutches for instant relief from the heartache felt by so many at this time of year.

 

Here are some tips on how to lighten up those Valentine’s Day blues.

 

SOME TIPS FOR IF YOU'RE ATTACHED:

Remember, your mate is not psychic. Don’t expect him/her to read your mind:

I know we wish we didn’t have to spell things out for our mates. We feel they should know what we want from them and if they really love us we shouldn’t have to tell them. But is that really fair to the other person? Here’s a thought. Instead of being left disappointed yet again, why not BEFORE February 14^th, sit down with your mate and talk? How about taking time to verbalize each other’s expectations for how you want to celebrate this holiday as a couple? Wouldn’t that be a lot better? If you’re expecting special gifts, a romantic card and a night of romance, then let the other know what you wish for and how important this is to you. If there’s something specific you want, tell your mate. Don’t expect your partner to read your mind and automatically know what you want. He/she may have no clue how meaningful this day is to you. as it may not mean that much to them. Otherwise you may well be left hurt and disappointed when your mate fails to live up to your expectations.

With my husband, it’s very simple. He doesn’t rely on this one day a year to buy me roses or tell me he loves me. And vice versa. I don’t rely on this one day a year to buy him gifts and tell him how much I love him. We’ve discussed it and have agreed that for us Valentine’s Day is just another day of the year. Sure, we may get each other a nice card, but if he doesn’t go above and beyond with gifts, roses and fancy dinners, it doesn’t matter to me because to us every day is a celebration of our love. Ya, ya, I know it sounds mushy, but that’s just what works for us. This way nobody is left feeling disappointed with expectations gone unmet.

Okay, so like I said maybe you wish that you didn't have to spell things out to your mate, wishing that if only he or she could just know what to do, or what to buy for you on their own initiative. However, if that's what you've done in the past and it has repeatedly left you hurt and disappointed, then perhaps it's time to try my new approach as outlined above.

A little communication can go a long way to save you this type of heartache and lighten up your Valentine's Day. It can also save you from your potential bad habits like running straight to the fridge or cupboard for your favorite unhealthy comfort foods, or over-indulging in extra alcohol or turning to whatever your unhealthy coping mechanism is that you rely on for instant relief.

 

TIPS FOR IF YOU'RE SINGLE:

Get out of your tunnel vision. Focus on the love you already have in your life.

Instead of having tunnel vision only seeing what is missing from your life, think about all the wonderful things you already have. Why not appreciate and be grateful for all the love you already have around you? Wouldn’t that help you feel a whole lot better? Make it a point to get a group of family and/or friends together and go out for a special dinner, make cards for each other or do a fun social activity. If you have other single friends,  invite them along as they too may not wish to be alone on this day.

Go for it. Indulge yourself:

Give YOURSELF a gift of love such as a day at the spa or some cheerful flowers. If you’re trying to control your health and weight and want to try your hand at portion control, then spoil yourself with the best high quality dark chocolate, ice cream or whatever your favourite treat is money can buy. Give yourself permission to enjoy a small portion and truly taste and savor every mouthful. Just be careful not to over-indulge. Instead of buying a whole box of chocolate, for example, choose a few very special chocolates and stick to those. That way you won’t have the whole box there to tempt you.

Whether single or attached, keep things in perspective. This is only one day in the year so to beat the Valentine’s blues, plan ahead, communicate with your partner, celebrate the love you already have and have some fun!

Roslyn Franken is a Motivational Speaker, best-selling Author, proud Cancer Survivor and Personal Coach who helps people lighten up for good to live a healthy, happy and resilient life. For more information and a FREE Lighten Up Newsletter subscription, visit www.roslynfranken.com.

How to Keep Your New Year's Resolutions

Most people are really good at making their New Year’s resolutions. Unfortunately, most of those same people are just as good at breaking them. Sound familiar? I was a great example. I remember when I was overweight and every New Year’s Eve I would make my resolution to lose a certain number of pounds by my birthday on May 13^th. Yet somehow by the next New Year’s Eve, I’d be making the same resolution but the number of pounds I’d want to lose by my birthday was higher than the year before.

Aaaarrrrggghhhh! I remember the frustration and disappointment in myself. And what did I do to feel better? Yup, I ate more and put on even more weight. I’m proud to say that the last time I made that New Year’s resolution about losing weight was back in 2004. I’ve kept that resolution and have never looked back. However, this article is not about how I shed my unwanted pounds and kept them off. If you really want to know all the details of how I did it, I can tell you this, the same principles I used to lose all my unwanted weight are the same principles that have helped others quit smoking and curb their spending habits and more. These life-changing principles are all in my book, The A List: 9 GuidingPrinciples for Healthy Eating and Positive Living.

I wrote the book with a focus on healthy eating, weight control and improving quality of life and am amazed at the different ways people have applied the principles to their lives and the changes they’ve achieved in their health, relationships and overall sense of well-being. So if you want to learn more beyond this article, I invite you get yourself a copy of my book.

This article is about how to keep YOUR resolution regardless of what it is. So whether you’re looking to lose weight, quit smoking, get organized, enjoy life more or get out of debt for 2013, the key to keeping your New Year’s Resolution is actually quite simple.

Notice I said ‘simple’. I didn’t say easy. Behavioural change is seldom easy and it does require time and effort. The problem is most people give up too soon. You’ve got to have these four necessities of change in place as your foundation to build on. Whatever your New Year’s Resolution is, it all comes down to these four things:

1.       Desire to change a behavior: You say you want to quit smoking, get out of debt, lose weight or be more physically active, for example. That’s great, you have a desire to change. Any change starts with a dissatisfaction with the status quo and a desire for something better.

2.       Willingness to change a behaviour:  Having the desire isn’t enough. You can talk about your desire to change all you want, but what are you willing to do about it? Are you truly willing to make some changes in what you’re doing now? Sometimes we want to make a change, but we don’t know where to start and we resist the very changes we need to make. We’re afraid of failure or we don’t want to fully admit to ourselves the importance of the changes we need to make. We pretend that maybe it’s not that important and we choose to procrastinate on it. Unfortunately, this procrastination can sometimes mean a heart attack or other major health issue, or having to declare bankruptcy. Or sometimes, we just don’t know how to make the change in our behaviour on our own and don’t know where to turn for help. It’s easier and safer to stick with the status quo so we just go on wishing and dreaming of a better self and a better life. Time passes and nothing changes.

3.       Readiness to change a behavior:  Having the desire for change and being willing to make the change is also not enough. You have to be ready to do something about it. Sometimes you’re willingness is there, but the time is not right. If, for example, you’re going through a very emotionally difficult time such as the loss of a loved one, it may not be the ideal time to try and make major changes as you may not have the mental and emotional focus or stamina required. It takes focus and energy to create behavioural change. You may need time to grieve and just ‘be’ and as you come out of this emotionally difficult phase, you can then regroup and look at how to move forward and create the positive and meaningful changes you want on a larger scale.

4.       Commitment to change a behavior:  I tell people that in order to successfully change a behavior long-term, you really need to be a pit bull. What I mean by that is you need to have a ‘never give up’ attitude that will see you through those times where your motivation or focus may not be at its highest. I believe that motivation and focus can sometimes flow in waves even for the most successful people out there, but an underlying commitment must be where you’re operating from for long-term success. Even if you’re having an off day, you’re still committed. You just put it behind you and get back on track as soon as reasonably possible.

Believe me there were days in my weight loss journey where it would have been all too easy to just give up and throw in the towel. My motivation was not always at its highest. There were days and sometimes weeks where I just couldn’t seem to keep things on track. But I just kept it going and never lost my commitment. I gave myself permission to be less than perfect and then just got myself back on track. Next thing I knew I had reached my goal. It may seem difficult and it may seem like where you want to be in your life with the changes you want to make is so far away. Trust me, time is flying so fast that if you just stick with it, you will get there.

Roslyn Franken is an expert in helping people create positive and meaningful change in their lives. She is a motivational inspirational speaker, proud cancer survivor, best-selling author and personal coach committed to inspiring, guiding and supporting people on how to lighten up for good to a healthier, happier and more satisfying life. To book Roslyn for speaking engagements, personal coaching and purchase copies of her life-changing book, The A List: 9 Guiding Principles for Healthy Eating and Positive Living, visit, http://www.roslynfranken.com