My Striving for Caregiver Work Life Balance

Roslyn Franken and her 91-year old dad, John Franken

I’ve been busy looking after my 91-year old dad, a labour of love, indeed. It’s a new caregiver role that puts me to the test of practicing what I preach when it comes to work life balance. I’ll be honest, it's not always easy. I moved my dad from Montreal to Ottawa a year ago June and rarely a day goes by that I don’t spend time with him at his Retirement Home. I’m very blessed in that he still has a strong mind, sharp wit and is always ready with a smile. If only his body was in as good a shape. He’s been diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease which is affecting his mobility and posture thereby creating new challenges and greater needs. He says to people with a laugh, “I don’t know why they call this the golden age, it’s more like varnish to me.”

I work hard to juggle being with my dad and looking after his needs while running my business, making time for my husband and maintaining my personal friendships. Oh wait a sec… that’s right... I also strive to look after myself too including making time to cook healthy meals, get my regular exercise and do things just for me. That is a principle I teach in my coaching and speaking. It's one we often forget to do, especially all of you women out there. We get so caught up nurturing others, taking care of our daily responsibilities, that we often put ourselves last. How true is that?

To alleviate the pressure, I did what I coach others to do. That is, to take a step back and look at what I need to do differently to adapt to my new lifestyle that includes making time for my dad. Firstly, I’ve had to let go of my natural tendencies toward perfectionism. If you’re a perfectionist I’m sure you can relate that letting go is not an easy thing to do. I decided that the pressure I was putting on myself to be the perfect caregiver while trying to keep on top of business, have time for my husband and time for me in the way I would most like to do, was just not worth it. The 'perfectionist pressure cooker' I saw myself falling into was causing me what I call ‘self-inflicted’ stress. As soon as I noticed how it was affecting me physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, I knew it was time to change my attitude.

So what did I do? I decided to self-reflect with some hard-hitting questions like “What is truly most important to me right now? What are my top priorities? What are my boundaries with my dad, with my husband, with my business and how will I manage them? Can I delegate some responsibility?”

In answering the questions, I discovered that my dad is absolutely a top priority for me right now. Every day that he’s still alive and well is a gift. Acknowledging this set me free. By recognizing and accepting that my dad is a top priority, I’ve accepted that there are days where I may not get all my work done for my business that I’d planned on and that’s okay. There are days when I may have to cook up a simpler meal for me and my husband on the fly, there are days when I’ll have to wake up earlier to squeeze in my exercise. That’s just the way it is. And it’s all okay. I’ve learned to forgive myself when I just can’t have it all, do it all and be it all. That’s fine with me. I've also started recruiting help from my brothers, especially when I'm traveling, to take on some of the responsibilities.

The problem is I see far too many people, women in particular, struggling to have it all, do it all and be it all. They’re paying for it with their health, their relationships and overall sense of well-being and self-worth. They’re too busy to take that step back and look at the choices they’re making and how they’re living their lives.

If this sounds like you, I encourage you to schedule some time for yourself in the next five days to take YOUR step back. Ask yourself some of the questions that I asked myself. What do you need to do differently to lighten up your life and adjust your routine so that you’re feeling healthier, stronger and more balanced?  I’d love to hear from you, so please send me your answers within the next five days. I will personally read every answer, that’s a promise. You have five days. Email me at roslyn@roslynfranken.com.

I know striking that perfect work life balance seems impossible and maybe it is. What I’m discovering is that it doesn’t have to be perfect. It just needs to be good enough to allow you to feel healthy, happy and resilient. And remember, some days will be better than others, some will be easier than others. It’s all good. Just roll with it and keep all the good stuff going.

I look forward to hearing from you within the next five days.

 

After beating cancer at age 29 and conquering her weight gain once and for all, Roslyn Franken is back stronger than ever! She is a world-class motivational speaker, best-selling author, personal empowerment expert and proud founder of Lighten Up for Good: A Win-Win Wellness Campaign for Employers, Employees and our Communities. To book Roslyn for speaking engagements, personal coaching and purchase copies of her book, The A List, visit, http://www.roslynfranken.com

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