How texting nearly destroyed this marriage

I heard about a married couple struggling to keep their marriage alive after 30 some years. The wife complained that her husband was working too much and that they didn’t have enough ‘together’ time.  She’d tried over the years to get him to slow down and create some more balance in his life, but he never made it happen. He was a workaholic and didn’t know how to change his ways. It’s not like anyone was holding a gun to his head forcing him to work those long hours. At the end of the day, this was a matter of choice – HIS choice.

It wasn’t just that he was working so much, but when he was with his wife, he was constantly texting and on his computer for one reason or another. She'd asked him to just 'be' with her when he was with her, but again he refused to change his habits. She missed the face to face connection and conversation they used to enjoy sharing as part of their relationship.

As they were getting older and seeing more and more friends divorcing and having heart attacks, cancer and other health problems, she was worrying more and more about her marriage as well as her husband’s health and well-being which in turn was affecting her health and well-being. The bottom line was that she afraid of losing him and the relationship they’d invested in for so many years and their health on top of it.

Not giving up, one day the wife spoke up once again to her husband. Having just heard about the breakup of another friends’ long-time marriage, the husband listened and finally took his wife’s feelings to heart.  It finally made sense for him. For all the other times she’d voiced her complaints and he’d been unable to truly hear them and make some changes, now the timing was right and he was ready and willing to make the commitment to change.

First, he made a commitment to take more vacations with her. This meant NO texting, NO emails, NO cel phone. Whatever came up could wait. This was now sacred time for him and his wife to be there for one another without intrusion of technology.

For the first while, the husband was in complete withdrawal desperately wanting to check his smart phone for messages, texts, etc…  but he quickly noticed the incredible peace that came over him with not feeling this pressure to constantly be on his phone. He was able to truly enjoy hours on end just relaxing or going on outings without being weighed down by his phone and any sense of obligation to respond to others while on his personal time with his beloved wife.

What he and his wife also came to realize was that they had also established texting habits that were not supporting their quest for a healthier marriage. When he was away working, he and his wife often texted each other with quick updates on what they were up to and how their days were going, often expressed in short, small sound bites. By the time they got home, they already knew all about each other’s days which gave them less to talk face to face.

Years ago, before smart phones and texting, they would both look forward to getting home from their busy days and sharing with each other face to face, eye to eye, energy to energy, in great detail how their days went over a glass of wine or cup of tea. It’s called 'real' conversation with full sentences and everything. They hadn’t done that for years and they realized that was something they were both missing. Solution? They agreed not to text anymore throughout the day. They preferred to go back to how things used to be which for them worked better for their relationship.

I’m not suggesting that these solutions are for everyone, but I can absolutely see the value in a couple taking more time together for vacations without the intrusion of technology. Vacations don’t have to be Carribean get-aways. You can even do a stay-cation, where you spend a weekend away at a retreat or hotel in your own city. It’s just about getting away from it all, breaking the routine, and spending quality time together doing pleasurable activities.

Whether you choose to change your texting habits with your significant other is also a choice you may want to make.  Given this couple’s story, I can absolutely see the value in cutting back or even cutting out completely all the texting throughout the day as long as you then have some meaningful conversation instead where LOL actually means you 'laugh out loud' together in each other’s presence and not alone behind a little screen. It’s just not the same. I encourage you to try it sometime.

What are your thoughts on all this? Are there any changes that you and your partner need to improve your connection and relationship? Need help deciding what changes to make and how to make them? I help individuals and couples create meaningful and positive changes for a healthier, happier life. If you’re curious as to how I can help you, contact me for a no-fee, no-obligation, no-pressure consultation. Call 813-803-0155 or schedule a phone call using my confidential and secure online scheduler at https://www.timetrade.com/book/FVXKS.