I want to share these with you here and some recent experiences that have given me the opportunity to keep this promise to myself especially when it would have been so much easier to do otherwise. My wish is that what I learned will inspire you to look at your own choices and actions today so that you don’t have these regrets on your last day of life.
Here are the top
5 regrets of the dying:
- I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
- I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
- I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
- I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
- I wish that I had let myself be happier.
I recently attended
the Blue Ridge Institute for Southern Community Executives. I had
no clue how much I would enjoy this amazing group and take away from the week long conference, both professionally and personally.
One of many personal highlights was pushing myself out of my comfort zone by participating
in the talent show. I challenged myself to sing for the first time in public a
song I wrote. I was so overwhelmed to hear my song come to life with the
beautiful accompaniment of Patrick on piano that it literally brought me to
tears.
I was so nervous that my throat got all dry and I actually had
trouble breathing. When the crowd gave me an overwhelming standing ovation, I
felt on top of the world. In my LIGHTEN UP coaching practice I always encourage
my clients to push beyond their comfort zones so this was a great opportunity
to practice what I preach. I proudly
kept my promise to avoid regret #5 and let myself be happy by stopping to play
it safe. By letting go of my ego and pride and just having the courage to be my
true self I got to experience a wonderful sense of joy that night that I would
have otherwise denied myself.
I came home on an
incredible high to sadly find out that a very close friend, Guy, had
passed away from cancer and that another close friend, Chris, just found out
that she has cancer throughout her whole body with only four months to live. I
was absolutely devastated. As a cancer survivor myself who also lost my mother
to cancer, this forced me to again to reflect on end of life. I truly believe
that everything happens for a reason, but in facing the death of loved ones it
is difficult to uphold this belief.
A few days later I
decided to visit my dear friend Chris on the way to visiting my dad. She had a
nurse over doing some medical assessments so I couldn’t stay long. I left the
house barely able to contain my tears and totally lost it once I got to my car.
I hurt for her so badly.
As I finally
wiped away my tears I started thinking about my To-Do List and how I really
didn’t have a lot of time left that day to spend with my dad. That’s when I
thought about the promise I’d made to myself that I would not allow myself to
have those same regrets at the end of my life as the people interviewed by the
Palliative nurse. I didn’t want to reach my end of life feeling “I wish I hadn’t
worked so hard”.
I took a step
back to ask myself what was really most important to me that Friday afternoon.
Did I really need to work so hard that day? Could I spend more time with my dad
instead without feeling guilty? Could I allow myself that happiness? I made the
conscious choice to be with my dad the rest of that afternoon. Every Friday at
his senior’s home they have Happy Hour at 3:30pm. I decided to go with him to
Happy Hour that day. I needed to celebrate life with my dad and enjoy his
company. It meant so much to both of us.
Life is so
precious. Every moment is a gift and we need to take a step back and look at
what we are doing to fill those moments. What choices do we make? What actions
do we take? We needn’t feel guilty or selfish to choose happiness even when
those around us are suffering. It’s okay to be happy.
I don’t fear death, but I
do fear having unnecessary regrets at the end of my life. I conquer that fear
by finding the courage to choose health and happiness wherever possible and do
what it takes to avoid the top 5 regrets of the dying listed above. Sometimes this means challenging my own
attitudes, habits and beliefs about work, productivity and success. As an
entrepreneur, this is not always so easy to do. Sometimes it means taking time
to reflect on who I really am and what matters most to me. I know it’s not always easy to find the
courage within to be true to yourself, step beyond your comfort zone, reach for
your dreams and overcome the obstacles that can get in the way. However, what
I’ve learned is how worth it it is when you do, even in those times when things
don’t always turn out as you planned or hoped.
When you go for it, at least you
have a chance to avoid the regrets. When you hold yourself back, deny who you
truly are and never challenge yourself, then you know for sure you won’t get
what you want.
Learn
about Roslyn Franken’s
LIGHTEN UP Coaching
and Motivational
Speaking services
